The Birds & The Bees

We all know “the talk” or “the birds and the bees” – and it’s probably one of the most awkward conversations you could ever have with your parents. They either come in as educational as possible and give you the science of it all OR they are just as embarrassed as you are and have the hardest time talking about Mr. Penis and Mrs. Vagina and the crazy adventures they usually have together.

I honestly never had the official talk with my mom and dad – we all had this unspoken agreement that we would just not talk about it. I knew I didn’t need to be alone with boys who were not related to me and that if I had a baby I would be beat within inches of my life – these are things I was smart enough to just know. I had no idea how all these things went down of course – I mean I’d seen a nudie picture my friend brought to school heard guys talking about “doing it” but technically speaking I was very uneducated. I got the perverted jokes, I understood why they were laughing and I knew that there was about 100 different meanings for the world “thing”. I just was really unsure as to where things went and why some people sounded like they were crying but liked it?

Middle school is where puberty hits HARD – your body start reacting differently to the opposite sex. Boobs have sprouted, growth spurts have started, and squeaky voices have happened to almost everyone. I remember being in 6th grade and talking with my girlfriends about how we would handle our first periods and actually thinking we were so grown up as we tried to secretly pass pads to one another. Now I curse my uterus once and month and wish I was born a male sometimes just to avoid shark week every month. I also realized that holding a boys hand was all warm and fuzzy and kinda made me tingle if I really really liked him.

Through my middle school years is kind of where I picked up all my sexual education, no practice – just all in theory. I learned a lot from the older girls on the bus – or my friends with “cool parents” that let them have parties, drink and smoke. I also learned from my next door neighbor who had a crush on me and tried to describe how I made him feel at night when he was in bed?! So I really shouldn’t be surprised that my baby cousin, who is in 8th grade, had questions for me one weekend. Can you imagine sitting there in the room watching Korean music shows and she drops the “What does giving head mean” question on you?!

My initial reaction was to deliver a swift kick to the throat and maybe locking her in my closet for life BUT I decided in this day in age I’d rather arm her with the knowledge of all this gross stuff instead of her looking clueless among her peers. I mean let’s be honest – kids these days are way more advanced that I was back in the day. She had tons of question and some of them where good questions but it didn’t change the fact that it was awkward as hell. By the end of it I was still debating if I should home school her on a remote island far far away from boys or locking her in my basement like Cary Ann.

I honestly wanted to cry as I was giving her some knowledge – I mean I felt like her youth was slipping away. She wanted to know how would she know if she was a lesbian or not, some new slang that I had to consult the urban dictionary about and things like what was the difference between sex and gender…..kids these days are exposed to so many other things. I guess part of that is because we do have openly gay relatives in our family and we are LGBT supporters as well. She also has a friends in middle school who are openly gay and are accepted and not picked on about it – so it’s never really been a big deal in her eyes. Sexuality is something I explained would have to be discovered – some people know exactly what they want from day one BUT there are a few folks that need to try a few different flavors first. None of these were bad questions but I was kinda hoping that they would have come to me a little later.

I was okay with giving her information so that hopefully I can prevent her from getting her own TV show on MTV – or keep her mother from becoming a grandmother so young. I do draw the line at the point where she thinks we can chit-chat about experiences and swap stories. I let her know real quick that we are not friends that will sit around and have girl talk EVER. I almost punched her in the face when she asked me when was the first time I ever “finished”? I mean did she not shock me enough with the questions – now she was questioning my life? I had to let her know she was going to far IN MY BOOK. I’m happy to help her but I felt like she was out of line asking about my sex life.

I instantly regretted telling her the facts of life I don’t know if what I did was good or not – I’m questioning myself now. I’m glad she can come to me with questions and concerns but I don’t know if the information I gave her would keep her from having sex or will just fan the fire? Darn you One Direction, 2PM, Peeta, Justin Beiber and every other teen dream currently out in the world right now!!! You guys are making it hard for us to control these crazy teenagers!!!

Closing thoughts? Growing up is hard – and watching your younger siblings grow up is harder. I’d love to protect them from heartbreaks, fights, rude jerks, evil girls and everything else but I know I can’t. I can just help guide her to hopefully make the right decisions and how to handle whatever life throws at her as gracefully as she can. OR I can throw her in a small room and let her watch old episodes of The Brady Bunch and I might even throw in Full House if she’s good.

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